12 Year old Model now turned Singer after she suffered Chronic Anorexic (Eating disorder): The Story Of Michelle Lynn

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12 Year old Model now turned Singer after she suffered Chronic Anorexic (Eating disorder): The Story Of Michelle Lynn

Michelle Lynn on Eyes and Voice

“The same modeling agent that approached me when I was 12 approached me AGAIN at 26 in the same city while I was playing music at a farmer’s market.  They didn’t realize I was the same person who had gone through anorexic hell since the last time I met them… 3 hospitalizations and a cardiac arrest later – I have a happy life now.  I became an obsessive musician instead.” – Michelle tells Eyes and Voice.

Michelle Lynn on Eyes and Voice. 2

Michelle Lynn first sought out music as a way to talk about things she found interesting and provocative.  She was often surprised as a young person that fascinating subjects didn’t make their way into everyday discussions or discourse with people.

She found music – and the broader world of art in general – to be the outlet for this kind of code about the way things were.  To her, artist were like discreet detectives in society that kept an entertaining and ongoing discussion going about the taboo.  They lead the way in a back and forth discussion and exploration about meaning – what it means to be alive, what it means to make choices, what it means to die.

Michelle Lynn on Eyes and Voice. 4

After briefly pursuing modeling with model scout Mary Clarke (Aston Kutcher, Karlie Kloss) as a pre-teen, she found herself in the grips of a life-threatening eating disorder.

She had long quit modeling by the time she was hospitalized at 13, 14, and 15 years old.  Like many other musicians who have suffered from anorexia, she strongly believes that the desire to be “fit” may have sparked the disorder in an initial way, but there is no way to explain how much body image wasn’t the issue by the time she was in the midst of it.

“I knew I looked horrible when I had anorexia.  Eating disorders stem from many different ego deficiencies and they develop to patch various holes in people’s lives.  They take on many different forms for people.  For me it was about spiritual purification – a list of beliefs that had followed me around as a child.  I didn’t care what I looked like with a BMI under 13.  I especially didn’t care what boys thought I looked like.”
“I woke up everyday to humiliate myself amidst compulsive habits and painful shyness.  As a conflict avoidant person, it was my way to express my ultimate argument with living while still being polite and “perfect.”  I didn’t know how I/life got here, what would happen next, who I would meet, and why I was so aware of my thoughts about all of this in the first place.  I was annoyed with my mind and my fate.  And I wanted it to stop.  Sounds like a really selfish 21st century problem, but it is the truth about how I felt as a teenager.” – Michelle told EyesandVoice.com

By the time she graduated from high school, she had missed a year of schooling due to being hospitalized.  One of her habits that she formed in the hospital was automatic writing.

Michelle Lynn on Eyes and Voice. 3

“It was to my sadness that my illness found a way to make writing torturous as well.  With a mentally disordered mindset, when one finds anything enjoyable at all, some monster of the mind swoops down to militarize it – You like to make bracelets?  Make 10 a day or else!! – weird things like that.  I had to write X amount of journal pages a day before I would let myself sleep.”

She says she met a lot of people that she loved while being in treatment.  They expanded her mind and when she returned to school she couldn’t look at life the same way anymore.

“I started to play guitar and write songs because I needed a place to put this stuff.  I wasn’t able to tell myself that what I had gone through was just a phase.  It wasn’t just normal teenage angst and now I was going to go to college and fit in and everything would be fine…so I studied guitar.  And I poured my life into it and started my own business.  I still plan to finish college and I hope to be a TAG teacher someday. But at 17 I had this nagging feeling – I had to get all of that material out of my head so it didn’t follow me around as an older person!”

She had a clear vision that turned into five aptly titled CD’s (Jump Roping in Chains, Hospital Radio, Pre-Echoes, Sundial Tree, and Without an Outline) and a book (Modes of Being). She says she has moved on and now resembles very little of who she was.

“Music became another way to patch myself and the holes in my life.  I don’t need it as much anymore to prop me up.  I feel like my brain went through an overhaul and the real point was that I documented most of it.
“This documentation might be a helpful reflection for someone else.  Other artists were a vital help for me.  Phase 1 of my overhaul was mental illness and phase 2 was a passion for music and language.  Now I feel like a completely different person.  I just kind of woke up one day and realized the monster was gone.”

 Michelle Lynn on Eyes and Voice. 5

The 27 year old now lives in a thriving artistic town in Iowa and loves listening to music while walking her dog.

For more of Michelle Lynn’s music, go to her official website (click here)

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